Merry (Almost) Guinmas

Well, it's almost the big day, and as some people may or may not know, all animals can speak for the first minute of Guinmas. The boys (and girl) and I have been working on what we might be saying for that very precious minute.

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1523798641

Say Hello To My "Little" Guin

Well, mom and dad did it again and left me alone for what was actually only 5 min. but felt like an eternity...a glorious eternity in front of an all-you-can-eat-dog-food-bag-on-the-floor buffet.

In that short period of time I consumed so much Science Diet that I believe I moved its stock price up. My belly became so bloated that it eventually was the stopping force...not because it was full, but it was too difficult to lift my body up to inhale the doggie chow.

In looking back on the event, I can't help thinking that I was a little like Al Pacino from Scar face...twisted in a maniacal rampage with one driving force. And there's me saying "Say hello to my little friend" except instead of "little" I mean "big", and instead of "friend" I mean "diarrhea".

Road Trip 2007

I had the most chance encounter this past weekend. I ran into a little buddy of mine who was on the doggy limo (pictured) that came up from Arkansas. At first I barely recognized Sadie because when she came up she was just a little tike no older than a month or two. But the memories...

• Remember the time we were on the turnpike and convinced the driver to stop at the McDonalds drive-thru and we all ordered 1 French fry each?
• Remember how we learned that our driver was actually Santa in the off-season.
• Remember when I got worms?
• Remember when I gave them to Sadie?

Such good times! I highly recommend taking a road-trip across the US...preferably with 20 Boston Terriers.

Guinness Steals Hearts

Time for me to hire some body-guards!

Man faces court after Guinness theft

Dr. Schu Explains Planetary Composition

Dr. Schubert Mackenzie, astro-geological professor hailing from Princeton University, recently announced that, contrary to modern beliefs that the Earth's core was predominantly molten rock, the earth is actually Himalayan Persian. I had the unique opportunity to discuss the recent findings with "Dr. Schu" (as he's known by the graduate students) and get more insight:

Guinness: What have you based your findings on?


Schubert: [yawn]...


Guinness: Very interesting. I think I would have come to similiar conclus[yawn->sleep->snore]





In that riveting conversation with Dr. Schubert, I did discover that the recent findings do not override the current data indicating that, while the center of the Earth may be Himalayan Persian, the center of the our solar system is still Boston Terrier.

Din Din for Guin Guin

One dog. One bag of prescription strength anti-colitis dog-food. One distended stomach. Bostons are typically of the gaseous sort, but rarely do they affect weather systems or have terrorists thinking to themselves "Why didn't I think of that?". Prior to such a food-fest, snoring was the greatest of pecadillos during the evening. This is snoring in a whole new direction!

On a lighter note, Subway rejected my "Guinwich" proposal. This is most likely because I presented the idea of a hot-dog in a hamburger bun, and they assumed that I be the hot-dog. It's these sorts of little mis-understandings that can turn a simple idea such as "Let's brand a sandwich after a famous and much-loved dog" to "let's kill household domesticated canines and serve them to their human counterparts."

I must remember the lesson learned here as I present my new product to Dunkin' Donuts...the little loveable bit-sized morsel of donut known as the "Guinkin"!

A New Best Friend

Gonna jump right over all the fluff news that's circulating right now and cut to the chase...I have a new best friend! His (or her?) name is Spay-Cedar. He hangs out right under my desk (the desk I let Rob use) and is just radiant. Not much of a conversationalist, but the glow I feel when I'm near him is deserving of all my attention.

We're going to be putting up a big tree in the living room. Pretty sure it's called a "Potty Tree", but I'll let you know once I've tested that theory out.

Otherwise, it's been a great day. What a fatastico sleep I got. My workers woke up every hour or so to make sure I wasn't too hot! What great little workers they are...

She drinks champagne, and cries herself to sleep...

Marriage multiplies family scheduling issues leaving a cartesian product of complications for a simple birthday weekend. My father was celebrating his 3rd year as a septuagenarian, and we agreed to run down for the weekened with the following agenda:

- New York for The National concert in South Street Seaport
- Back to Connecticut for a picnic for my father
- Down to Long Island for an evening BBQ and perhaps some beach time on Sunday.

Tiny Murder

Go back to second grade and find the tiniest piece of chalk and use it to outline the corpse that lay on our dining room floor Thursday. MURDER!

Little mousey lay still. Closer examination of the body revealed that several broken bones was the cause of death. The footprint of an Uggs boot lay suspicion quickly on my wife.

Burnt out fridge, not so cool

For the past couple of days a lingering odor has moved its way up into the top three-floors of our townhouse. The first floor, rented by a graduate student on vacation, appeared to be the source of the problem. After obtaining a key to her apartment from our landlord, we decided to investigate the problem ourselves.

Door opens...problem solved! Her garbage was full. So, we grabbed the garbage and pulled it outside into the street. A closer sniff revealed that the garbage might not have been the source of the smell. In fact, on many levels, her garbage smelled good.

We re-entered the apartment to continue our investigation.